How to Be James Bond: Look Good Naked, Kick Anyones Ass, and Drive a Really Super Schweet Car

In this installment, I will reveal to you the secrets behind how to be a sexy, elusive, and bad-ass Double 0 Agent.

Now look, being an irresistible secret operative isn’t for everyone. Let’s face it; the mortality rate of such agents is typically too high. So, whats the point of living the exotic, fast-paced, balls-to-the-wall lifestyle of a government spy if you wind up dead before you get to enjoy any of it?

Well I come bearing good news! I’m here to teach you how to live the part of James Bond, minus the whole getting shot in the face part! Sounds like a sure win-win to me.

License to Look Good Naked

A secret agent must be able-bodied, there are no exceptions to this rule. Now I don’t know where James Bond (specifically the Daniel Craig version) found the time between saving the world and seducing scantily clad women to hit the gym 5-6 times a week, but he certainly knew the importance of being physically fit.

Let’s face it. Bond wouldn’t have had nearly as much success that he did (especially with the ladies) if he was packing his Walter PPK beneath his beer gut. The truth is, it’s easier to extract information from people when they are attracted to you. Bond knew the importance of this, and is exactly why he kept himself in tiptop shape. He never needed to know any fancy extraction techniques with those naughty ladies; all he ever had to do was get them alone, fix them a drink, take his shirt of, and voila! Instant access to a wealth of information that only a sexy henchwoman would know!

So what’s his secret? Obviously Bond didn’t have the time to drive down to the local Gold’s Gym 5-6 days a week, although that’s what Daniel Craig’s physique might have you believe. What Bond did was get his workouts in however he could. Often on the go and crunched for time, a 00-agent needs the total package of strength and conditioning in the least amount of time possible….get ready for it…because here comes a shameless product plug!

That’s right! James Bond himself was a huge advocate of metabolic conditioning, and his weapon of choice was non-other than the Russian Kettlebell.  Believe it or not, he used a tool from one of the regimes that he combated and hated the most, but that’s because Mr. Bond is a smart dude. He knew that as far as bang for your buck strength and conditioning routines go, metcon via kettlebell complexes yield the quickest and most effective results. Any spy needs to stay both lean and strong, and short super-intense metcon style workouts hack off body fat, fortify mental toughness, amplify physical resilience, and tack on lean muscle in the least amount of time possible. For more on metabolic conditioning, check out my new eBook entitled “The Power of Complexes: Metabolic Conditioning for Superior Athleticism and Conditioning”

But just as Bond was never a “one woman man”, he was never committed to just a single piece of workout equipment either.  Aside from his trusty cast iron 20kg kettlebell that he hauled from country to country, Bonds other favorite tool to up his levels of strength and conditioning was a weighted vest. Bet you could have guessed that one. Such a simple and effective tool, how could any secret operative leave home without one?

Why the slow concentric push up?

Because the concentric or positive portion of a movement is what produces the most lactic acid. And the production of lactate leads to drastic increases in natural growth hormone. So while the eccentric portion is popular amongst bodybuilders because that is where the most muscle damage occurs, secret operatives are not bodybuilders! Secret operatives need to be strong, not necessarily big, so we will focus more on the concentric portion of the movement.

A staple of any Bond fitness regimen is to perform all exercises in a circuit fashion. There are a couple reasons for this.

1. Short rest intervals lead to an even greater production of lactate, which in turn leads to an even greater release of growth hormone. That being said, shortening rest intervals also ensures that you keep the system working as a whole which leads to a profound metabolic response.

2. Circuit training is best when it is kept short and intense. Performing circuit/metcon style workouts will save you a lot of time in the gym. This way, “not having enough time” is no longer an acceptable excuse to not get an effective workout in.

Your first mission, should you choose to accept it, is to perform the following:

3 rounds of the following weighted vest exercises. For the first round, perform each exercise for 30 seconds. Rest as little as possible, then run through the circuit again, but this time perform each exercise for 45 seconds. On your last time through, up the working time to one minute for each exercise.

This simple circuit is great even if you don’t have a weighted vest, but if you do then you are in for a rude awakening.

Aside form being sinewy and strong, the work of a secret agent requires them to be mobile and flexible as well.

This is why I have comprised a few more weighted vest circuits that promote both strength and flexibility.

Enter the weighted vest bear crawl; just because you never know when you may be crawling around on all fours as a secret agent. This low butt version of the bear crawl is a fantastic quadrupedal movement that helps to develop hip mobility and shoulder strength.
You will superset these with walking staggered push ups.

This mission’s f
ar from over yet. Still think you have what it takes to be 00 status?

Next up comes what I like to call a leverage push up…or maybe I should called it a de-levered push up, because you are actually decreasing the leverage in order to make this movement more difficult. You do this by pushing your chest over your hands with each and every rep (see the video below). Again you will perform these back to back with walking lunges (another great locomotive movement that dynamically stretches your hip flexors while leaving your quads burning).

Being conditioned and looking good naked is only going to get you half way to being a secret operative. On top of that, you need to be strong. Quite strong indeed. Remember that when skill sets are equal; the stronger and smarter competitor will always win. And while you may be pretty good at kicking ass, you won’t always be the most technical or proficient fighter. So often you will have to rely on your wits and brute strength to emerge victorious.

Again, without access to a gym, we have to make do with what we got. So far, what we got are kettlebells, weighted vests, and our own bodyweight. Perfect.

Pulling strength is crucial for preventing what otherwise would be certain death. I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count the number of times I’ve seen Bond hanging off a ledge. And the fact is that if Bond wasn’t constantly greasing his pull up groove as much as he did, he’d have met his maker a long, long time ago.

Bodyweight pull ups are great. But let’s up the ante. Throw on your weighted vest and start working the following pull up variations into your routine.

When Bond pulls, he also pushes. For upper body pushing strength, let’s opt for the double clean and press with 2x24kg kettlebells. Oh, and lets keep that weighted vest on too 🙂

We got our vertical pull, our vertical push, and our hip dominant movement(double clean). So what we need now is a solid knee/quad dominant movement and some core work to round off our 00-agent strength routine.

So what better than the almighty pistol squat! The ultimate bodyweight leg-strengthening exercise. But wait, if you can already bang out 10 reps or so of bodyweight pistol squats then its time to put that weighted vest back on.

A spy can’t always rely on body armor. This is why we are going to build some natural body armor, through the means of weighted vest ab roll-outs. Now I see a lot of people doing this exercise with a neutral spine or even an arch in their lumbar, but this is really the one time that I encourage people to round their back! Your abs are heavily responsible for lumbar flexion, so in order to really work  your abs most effectively with this one be sure to maintain a mild amount of flexion in your back and a semi-hollowed out position.

There you have it. The secrets to looking and performing like a 00-agent, without the worries and stresses put upon you with being obligated to save the world.

As for the whole how to drive a super schweet car part…well let’s just say I’m still trying to figure that one out myself.

– Pat Flynn